What a day!

Well today was pretty interesting.

I went to work at my "real job" today ('cause someone has to earn enuff cash to employ the cute little girls that I have chained to the counter in here!) and one of the residents at the hostel took it into his head to take a sprint across the paddock and try to make it back to his old home. There I am, sitting in a meeting with a Govt pen pusher, all prim and proper and professional like, and the door bursts open and one of the carers comes in screaming that *Old Joe has taken a sprint across the paddock. So we all take off and the girls are screaming for him to come back and I yell "keep an eye on him while I call 000" and I run (now THAT's a funny image!) back inside to ring for help. Now on TV calling 000 is just sooooo easy.... but in reality... in the bush... it aint. I get the usual calm voice asking "fire, police, ambulance" so I select police and ambulance on the grounds that I have an 80 yr old man in a full sprint heading into a HUUUUUUUGE forest and would like a big burly man in a fast noisy car to come and help us chase him down BEFORE he gets too deep into the woods... and an ambulance on standby in case he has had a heartattack by the time we reach him. Well... you can't do that.. u gotta pick one... so SHE picks police and puts me through to the local station (which we KNOW is never manned during the day) and I get the full long no-one is gunna ansa ringtone.... meanwhile I can see the old bugger disappearing into the tree line!... so I hang up and ring 000 again and this time ask for ambulance.... I get ambulance dispatch this time... and a very slow talking, longwinded operator that doesn't know where this town is so wants lots of details about location... I keep telling her where we are and where he is disappearing into! but no... she wants details, details, details. I describe the well known local location that he has just passed at high speed on his way into the forest.... not good enuff... got house numbers??? I say AGAIN.. he is over 80 yrs old... has dementia... is disappearing at high speed into a huge dense forest and I REALLY need to get a car out there to head him off.... and she says... "oh!.. so he is awake and coherent then?" I said... "at the speed he is moving I would assume so." "Does he have any injuries?" "Well, at the speed he took off across the paddock I couldn't really tell...." so I give up and end the call... the Govt official sitting opposite my desk is quite fascinated by this turn of events and the helpfullness of 000 as the old man disappears into the bush. As I grab the car keys the phone rings again and this time its Tamworth police station (four hours away) responding to my 000 call... I say thanks for calling but I called an ambulance instead when the police didn't answer so she insists on a full explanation of all the events. Gawd! Meanwhile, the Govt official is sitting quite wide eyed and amused at this ongoing saga and the old bloke is still heading bush!

I FINALLY get the car out on the road and can't see him or the staff anywhere... so I head for the bush and there are the two women (one of them with a dicky heart too!) climbing a barbwire fence and the old bugger is no where to be seen! So I head for the main road and forest.... but the access road is over a kilometre away in the opposite direction so by the time I catch up with them all they have found him. Apparently he disappeared into the grass and that's why they took off to chase him down when no help came. Luckily they saw where he disappeared and found him "having a rest" in the long grass. As we bundled him into my car the ambulance arrived... NOT where I specifically directed it to... but at the hostel where I called from!! on the OTHER FLAMING SIDE of the paddock. So luckily he didn't have a heartattack or any serious injuries and I DID have my mobile phone on me... cause otherwise the ambulance was about as useful as a pocket in ya speedos. Oh yes... the police arrived too... about 45 minutes later!
and THAT was only the first hour of my day!!!!